We paint over our struggles, afraid to show our hearts, either worried to be judged (often we are) but darling, when we show our hearts (even if judged), we will be blessed.
So, also, tell me:
When have you tried and triumphed?
The triumph that comes to mind is a curious one, as my initial feelings are that I don't entirely deserve it... but I'll get to that.
Two of my sticker designs are being sold by two massive sporting goods corporations, REI and Bass Pro Shops. While a lot of this was left up to chance (there is a bit of chance in everything, wouldn't you agree?), I also know that I have been working toward this moment since the literal day I was born. Each instance of exploration, every doodle I've drawn, every lecture I've given myself as a "boss" and mentor, all the hours of rejection and re-creation. I have made my life. This life is mine. Each event that occurs, happens because of a decision I've made. I do deserve this. I deserve the world, because I am the sole creator of my world.
The opportunity to have my art anonymously displayed in these massive retail stores is 1. great validation, 2. I'll make a little money, but the ULTIMATE satisfaction I receive from this accomplishment is that I've broken the system and have slipped my essence and spirit into a massive, grey, corporate power house. I think of it like the mycelium of a mushroom breaking down chemical walls, filtering out contaminants, restoring nutrients into the earth and hastening restoration one fiber at a time. The power and overhead won't change. Lets be the change and initiate it from the ground up.
Tried and failed?
Major, major fail.. I wrote this entire blog, hit save, squarespace glitched and deleted every piece of my previous writings. Perhaps what I had written prior will make more sense now that I've had to write it twice:
I know two very wise men with two entirely opposite positions on "failure".
The first, an entrepreneur in his early adulthood. Failure is not an option for this one. He feels that failure is synonymous with resignation of expired dreams. He detests failure and refuses to submit to it.
The second, an elder of travel and exploration, sees failure as the truest, purest form of growth. One must fail in order to learn the next step in a progression of many. Failure can be difficult, but is never without future positive impact.
I like to keep both these positions on deck when I think about failure. I like to think I fail rarely and often. Rarely, in that each action or situation is a piece of a greater whole, despite the action having a negative impression initially. I also admit to failing often because failure is natural, beautiful and common. I am perfectly imperfect and so are my faults. My faults are part of the map that has no beginning and no end.